May 12, 2024
This Mother’s Day is our first without our Nanay. She passed
away on January 31st, 2024, 14 days before her 93rd
birthday.
Random memories still bring tears to my eyes. We
are luckier than most because we had our mother for a long time, but how can you
teach your heart not to break?
As I wrote to her once: My heart belongs to the one person
who can bring me down to my knees with a single look when I was naughty as a
kid; the one person who can lift my heart with a sweet smile; the one person
who can make me giggle until I jingle when she starts her chicken dance; the
one person who inspires me with her resilience and quiet strength; the one
person who can make me open my wallet with just a little wink; and the one
person who can get me bawling like a baby with a single tear.
Some days are easier than most when I remember her funny
dance and her easy laugh. I remember her eyes lighting up whenever she saw a
Barbie doll in Toys R Us in the 1990s. Her Barbie collection was her most
prized collection, and we will honor her fervent wish to preserve
her dolls for eternity.
There are times when the emotions hit like a freight train, and I just let the tears flow, knowing that I have to navigate the full
spectrum of the grieving process. I understand that this emotional journey that
all my siblings and everyone who loves her will abate in its intensity as time
goes by.
I would like to imagine Nanay and Tatay together, with my
father chasing her to dance the Rico Mambo. I pray the Almighty God will
look after them in His enduring wisdom and kindness.
We all grieve differently and cope in the best way we
can. The profound loss will always remain because the memories will not dim our
love for her. As I have done in the past, I will continue to write about my mom;
this is my emotional catharsis, how I rejoice in her glorious presence in my
heart.
I just miss her so very much.
Feb.14, 2024
Today should have been the 93rd
birthday of my dear Nanay. Her children wanted to celebrate her memories.
Although our hearts are still reeling from her loss, we are still grateful that
she did not suffer. I am comforted by the outpouring of love from family and
friends. I am strengthened by her memories, as well as by remembrances from
everyone. My brothers and our relatives celebrated her in our home in Las
Pinas. In Aklan, Bheng, Jordan, Tess, and I celebrated with her siblings, pamangkins, and apos. She is well-loved, and death cannot steal her beautiful memories. In
her absence, she still makes me smile. My Barbie-loving mom, I love you so
much.
Jan. 31, 2024
My heart breaks, splintered in so many pieces. My Nanay
passed away today after a massive stroke. She would have been 93 this coming
Feb. 14th. She would have enjoyed the party we were planning for her. And now,
she is gone. She will be forever in my heart. The following days will be tough,
but it's made easier with the love from family and friends. My mother lived a
full life. And now, she rests. Those she left behind need to be strengthened
and comforted by the memories of a strong, formidable, and loving woman.
May 14, 2023
The sentiment remains the same. Today, on Mother's Day, I
can hug you virtually, Nanay. You are my guiding light and inspiration. I
can't wait to see you again on our next vacation. Nag-iipon pa.
Feb. 14, 2023
My dear Nanay, even though I am not
with you on your 92nd birthday, I am happy you got your fervent wish to
spend your special day with your brothers and sisters in Aklan. The joy on your
face is priceless as you reminisce and laugh about your childhood memories or
whatever sisters talk about in their old age.
May you stay as joyful as you are. Your sisters have adopted your unique
way of dancing (flapping) with your arms, hahaha! The videos and pictures demonstrate
how you are well-respected and well-loved, like a queen. Bheng, can you get the
Segovia siblings to sit still for a group picture when you get there? And then,
give her the biggest hug for me. Nay,
Mother dear, I love you so very much.
Feb. 14, 2022
On your 91st birthday, Nanay, I send
my warmest virtual hug and kisses. Across the miles, on our video call, I
sensed your eagerness to travel to Aklan. Don't worry; just be a little
patient. Just get your booster dose first, and you will see your sisters
again. And I get to see and hug you in real life in a few months. It will
be the most precious time. It is so heart-wrenching to be far apart from you,
not being able to see my family in the Philippines during this Covid pandemic.
Love you so much.
https://jcerrudocreations.blogspot.com/2021/02/love-letters-to-my-nanay.html
“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of
weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of
unspeakable love.”
– Washington Irving
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