Remembering Nanay

May 12, 2024

This Mother’s Day is our first without our Nanay. She passed away on January 31^st, 2024, 14 days before her 93^rd birthday.

Random memories still bring tears to my eyes. We are luckier than most because we had our mother for a long time, but how can you teach your heart not to break?

As I wrote to her once: My heart belongs to the one person who can bring me down to my knees with a single look when I was naughty as a kid; the one person who can lift my heart with a sweet smile; the one person who can make me giggle until I jingle when she starts her chicken dance; the one person who inspires me with her resilience and quiet strength; the one person who can make me open my wallet with just a little wink; and the one person who can get me bawling like a baby with a single tear.

Some days are easier than most when I remember her funny dance and her easy laugh. I remember her eyes lighting up whenever she saw a Barbie doll in Toys R Us in the 1990s. Her Barbie collection was her most prized collection, and we will honor her fervent wish to preserve her dolls for eternity.

There are times when the emotions hit like a freight train, and I just let the tears flow, knowing that I have to navigate the full spectrum of the grieving process. I understand that this emotional journey that all my siblings and everyone who loves her will abate in its intensity as time goes by.

I would like to imagine Nanay and Tatay together, with my father chasing her to dance the Rico Mambo. I pray the Almighty God will look after them in His enduring wisdom and kindness.

We all grieve differently and cope in the best way we can. The profound loss will always remain because the memories will not dim our love for her. As I have done in the past, I will continue to write about my mom; this is my emotional catharsis, how I rejoice in her glorious presence in my heart.

I just miss her so very much.

 

Feb.14, 2024

Today should have been the 93rd birthday of my dear Nanay. Her children wanted to celebrate her memories. Although our hearts are still reeling from her loss, we are still grateful that she did not suffer. I am comforted by the outpouring of love from family and friends. I am strengthened by her memories, as well as by remembrances from everyone. My brothers and our relatives celebrated her in our home in Las Pinas. In Aklan, Bheng, Jordan, Tess, and I celebrated with her siblings, pamangkins, and apos. She is well-loved, and death cannot steal her beautiful memories. In her absence, she still makes me smile. My Barbie-loving mom, I love you so much.

Jan. 31, 2024

My heart breaks, splintered in so many pieces. My Nanay passed away today after a massive stroke. She would have been 93 this coming Feb. 14th. She would have enjoyed the party we were planning for her. And now, she is gone. She will be forever in my heart. The following days will be tough, but it's made easier with the love from family and friends. My mother lived a full life. And now, she rests. Those she left behind need to be strengthened and comforted by the memories of a strong, formidable, and loving woman.

 

May 14, 2023

The sentiment remains the same. Today, on Mother's Day, I can hug you virtually, Nanay. You are my guiding light and inspiration. I can't wait to see you again on our next vacation. Nag-iipon pa.

 

Feb. 14, 2023

My dear Nanay, even though I am not with you on your 92nd birthday, I am happy you got your fervent wish to spend your special day with your brothers and sisters in Aklan. The joy on your face is priceless as you reminisce and laugh about your childhood memories or whatever sisters talk about in their old age.  May you stay as joyful as you are. Your sisters have adopted your unique way of dancing (flapping) with your arms, hahaha! The videos and pictures demonstrate how you are well-respected and well-loved, like a queen. Bheng, can you get the Segovia siblings to sit still for a group picture when you get there? And then, give her the biggest hug for me.  Nay, Mother dear, I love you so very much.

 

Feb. 14, 2022

On your 91st birthday, Nanay, I send my warmest virtual hug and kisses. Across the miles, on our video call, I sensed your eagerness to travel to Aklan. Don't worry; just be a little patient. Just get your booster dose first, and you will see your sisters again. And I get to see and hug you in real life in a few months. It will be the most precious time. It is so heart-wrenching to be far apart from you, not being able to see my family in the Philippines during this Covid pandemic. Love you so much.

 

https://jcerrudocreations.blogspot.com/2021/02/love-letters-to-my-nanay.html

 

 The song "Mapa" by the P-Pop boyband SB-19 is about these young men paying tribute to their moms and dads. In it, they reassure their parents that they will now care for them as they once did. I am thankful that I was able to show my gratitude and love to my parents when they were still alive.

 

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.”

– Washington Irving

A Letter from My Son and Reflections on My Mom on Mother’s Day

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!!!





My son would probably not appreciate it that I will share his letter with you. TMI, Too much information, he would say. Since he’s not my friend on Facebook, I doubt he will know anyway that I kind of “violated” his confidence. I hope you'll not blab that I blabbed. But I’m sure he’ll understand.


Because I am a proud mother. On this Mother’s Day, I do not need a gorgeous bouquet of flowers nor any fancy dinner (not yet anyway until he's done with school). I don’t need any ostentatious display of affection. His letter, written in a ruled student paper and sealed in a plain envelope, with the admonition to read it after he left the car, said it all.

He wrote:

Dear Mom,

In these past years, our relationship has changed. You’ve become more than a mom to me. We bond over silly things like venting about ridiculous people and we laugh at things until our heads fall off. I can come to you for advice whenever the overdramatic people start crazy drama. We can tease each other freely without feeling bad because that’s just what friends do. I’m so glad that I can feel this comfortable around you, and even more glad that it has morphed into a friendship. For these and many other reasons I know I’m blessed to have you as my mom.

Love,

Jordan

My Mother

And now, I am thinking of my mother in the Philippines. My still vibrant mother. She still dances her ‘chicken dance” when she’s happy. She still drinks her San Miguel beer at night to relax.

I wish I make her as proud of me as I am of my son. I wish I have shown her how much I love and appreciate her. She had given me much more that I can ever thank her for.

My Nanay, Marina "Neneng" Cerrudo, beautiful in her costume as a young lady in her native Aklan and beautiful still in her favored housedress today. She weathered all the storms in her life and had remained strong after all these years. She is a fireball of energy and humor.

With her unconditional love and her selfless heart, she shaped my character and guided me through life's ups and downs and gave me the confidence to live my life to the fullest. As the matriarch of the family, she is our strength and our moral compass.

And when things were rough, her unwavering support held me up. Through the years, she remains the ideal of what is grace under pressure, of quiet strength and fortitude.

I can never thank her enough for all that she had done for me. Happy Mother's Day. I love you, Nanay.

On this Mother's Day, I would like to share the songs that say the sentiments I cannot articulate enough.